Monday, May 6, 2013

update 5/6/2013

Wow, it has definitely been a while since I posted here! 

Honestly, not much of an update, but wanted to post that it wasn't forgotten about!  I have just been so crazy busy that I haven't had much time to think about posting here, especially when I have been stuck in a rut.  I have not been able to move past where I am at now, which is the weight I have been since January... I have been bouncing back and forth in the past 10 pound range it seems (I got down to 205 when I got sick, but back up to 215 afterwards...) and just bounce between 212-215 for the past couple months.  My measurements have stopped shrinking, which is definitely not what I want either...  But it just seems like I can't get over it, and I ruin it for myself.  I make poor choices.

I have been thinking about it, and I think I have it figured out, as silly as it sounds... I think I am afraid to GET to goal, or even get below 200...  When I started getting close, I got excited, and nervous, because it is almost like a threshold of feeling "You BETTER not ever get over that again"... and then the fear of well I might gain back again... and what happens if I do, I will be so upset and mad, I know I can't keep it off so why bother pushing to get to the lower if I won't be able to sustain it... and then I creep back up a couple pounds, i catch it, and the cycle continues...

I have less than one month til my half marathon.  I am getting pretty excited about it, and nervous.  I pushed and got to 8 miles run on the treadmill on Saturday.  That is the longest trek I have done (which is still 5 miles shy of a half marathon!).  I plan on getting 2 more longer distance runs in before the half (a 9 mile and 10 mile hopefully!) hopefully outside since the Rock N Roll half is done outside! 

Donny broke his foot at work so I am up and going after the kids more, and between doing the driving now (since he broke his right foot), chasing the kids, all the appointments, it is going to be a busy busy time for me.  I have the blogger app on my phone, so I will try to get back on it and post more often...  I just feel like I didn't do anything pertinent to update, I have been failing so to speak with not keeping up fitness wise with everything, and didn't want to admit to it, even though I need to get it out, because hopefully be getting it out there, i will be able to talk to someone about everything and find a way to break this pattern and get to a healthy standard of living for myself.

Well, if you have any questions post away!

No comments:

Post a Comment