I am completely overwhelmed lately, and so I figure even tho this is my weight loss blog, I could add to it and post about what else is going on. I know it is affecting my numbers, the past few weeks I have sort of collapsed and been at a stand still or bounce back and forth with weight. I know it has to do with stress and not being able to get in some good solid gym work outs.
So, here is my past month (since my previous update other than today earlier) and the next month in a nutshell... trying to keep myself sane through it all:
12/12/12- Autism Assessment for Trevor
12/13/12- Musical that I have been teaching at work
12/14/12- last day of work PAID for 3 weeks while on winter break
12/19/12- Sister flies in
12/19/12- Memorial for my Grandmother who passed away last week
12/20/12- EEG for Trevor because of recent seizures
12/20-12- Meeting with 2 lawyers (because after talking with my lawyer from before about possible lawsuit vs. previous PCP he wants to go larger, go with vs. hospital due to Trevor now having medical concerns with his heart, neurology, development, and more)... My lawyer enlisted the assistance of a second partner because he said he expects that they will shell out about 80-100k in advance of lawsuit for specialists because of how many different aspects there are put together, but said while he dislikes the reference said that it will result in the 'million dollar answers'.
12/26/12- sister leaves town
12/27/12- My 6 month post op appointment with surgeon
12/28/12- Appointment at Rady's hospital for Neurology to review results from EEG and 'go from there'
1/1/13: Sister in law comes in town with her husband and 2 kids
1/7/13- sis/bro in law and nieces fly home
1/7/13- return back to work
1/15/13- Appointment for Trevor with Childrens' hospital Cardiologist. This will be to discuss Trevor's future and determine if surgery is a necessity now.
On top of this, we have 2 appts a week for Trevor (Mondays is Physical Therapy, Fridays is the ARC teacher that comes out for 1- 1.5 hours a visit to work with Trevor. Trevor seems to have a low immunity a lot of the time. He is constantly sick (he has been up the past few nights screaming randomly in pain...). Trying to help but I haven't take him to the doctor in past couple days because every time I do this, it is told to me that there is 'nothing they can do'... so we are at home instead of dr. He was throwing up last Thursday morning (he hasn't thrown up since then) and has just been acting work out
Between trying to figure all this out, plus my grandmother passed away last week and since I am the local grandchild (no child, only 3 grandschildren, I'm only local one) I have ended up trying to have to plan the memorial service, plus keeping ashes and trying to clear up some of her trailer (her home).
So all this is in addition to my two kids and then trying to keep up at work DH has 2 days of work this past week... a serious drop in hours :( Just getting frazzled with how much is going on recently. Well such is life and now I am off to get some sleep before Trevor is up screaming and crying again (he went to bed at 7 and was up fro 810-840, its now 9:54 and he was coughing about 20 minutes ago but went back to sleep right away)
I am worried about Trevor. His development while getting better is still 'delayed'. Also, more concerning, lately we have noticed a struggle breathing while participating in PT and the ARC teacher. The arc teacher mentioned that his heart is having to work too hard with the hole and that he can't even 'practice' right now with the new strategies because it wears him out too fast. So I am not sure what to think any more. the ARC teacher was talking about another student she had before that had a hole in his heart and had the surgery and what a success it was for him. I hope that if we have this surgery (which as of right now in my eyes it seems like it might be likely) it will definitely help him but is nerve wracking. Zach had minor surgery (outpatient) at the Rady's childrens hospital when he was 14 months old for umbilical hernia repair and cyst removal, but I am so nerve about the idea of open heart surgery on my little 1 year old. I know that it will help him, he shouldn't be struggling to breath just after crawling and coughing up a lung (although that is from sickness, which one physician assistant mentioned it is possible that so much of his body energy is going towards his heart etc that his immunity is low, which would be why he is CONSTANTLY sick it seems)... And with all this, even though I know i shouldn't, I still blame myself. Why you may ask, here is why (which is also a helpful explanation for the lawyer visits mentioned earlier)
in March of 2011 (I was 8 weeks pregnant, unknowingly) I went into ER after 4 weeks of severe pain travelling up my leg until it was swollen and in pain 24/7 crying. Well, they did U/S and saw that I had severe DVT. (clotting in EVERY vein of my leg, as the radiologist said: the freeway was blocked, all the exits, side roads, walk ways, and dirt roads everywhere were clogged). After that (and while I was still in severe pain and they had started treatment with Diladid pain medication, one that is a higher degree of medication of morphine) to try and relieve pain. i was asked a simple question right before they rolled me back for a CT scan (to check my lungs to any damage, which they did infact find Blood clots had travelled into my lungs, a Pulminary Embolism). The question, "is there a chance you might be pregnant"... my answer "there shouldn't be, I am on birth control"... it is the same answer I have always given for anything I have had done... whether a dentist or xray. They had me fill in when my last menstrual cycle was (which was due in the next week or so, as I had what i thought was my cycle the month before, now know it was just spotting) and wheeled me away. During that hospital stay I was exposed to so much medication, therapies, 3 different surgeries, a lot of stuff. that started 3/17... come 4/23 I hadn't gotten a period. bought a PG test, and lo and behold it was a light positive. I was on blood thinner that you are not to expose to fetus so discontinued that immediately thinking I was around 4 weeks pregnant. Nope over 15 weeks along... Which meant all the harm that could have been done to my baby at that time. All that treatment that helped saved me (as after everything we are told that if I hadn't come in when I did, there was a 33% mortality rate that could have gotten higher the longer I wait if the clots had traveled to brain). All this stuff coming out now about Trevor: VSD (hole in heart, a congenitive heart defect which is a side effect of the blood thinner I was on), developmental delays, seizures, possible autism spectrum... Could this all have been saved if I had simply requested a pregnancy test? The lawyer comes in because of 2 things- big one: should the hospital have done a pregnancy test due to the fact of prior history of getting pregnant while on Birth Control (my first son was a birth control baby) and could all of these problems come from the treatments at hospital (which is why bill for lawyers if they do pursue it which the one lawyer wants to as long as 2nd lawyer is comfortable, and they said they will only take a case they 'know' will win, and only charge if they win... so he is expecting a BIG win with the thought of shelling out 100k in dispositions from Drs that will answer either of those questions in the varying fields). Some doctors that he talked to already told him that if there is ANY doubt what so ever (or if the woman has been at ALL sexual in past few months) they will do the pregnancy test, just to be on the safe side.
All right, got a lot off my chest, I should head out because Trevor is now crying, and i need to calm him down. Leave a comment if u want, or not.
Ashley
